At a glance
- Felt safety is about how safe a child’s nervous system feels, not just whether the environment looks safe on paper.
- Loss of felt safety can show up as school refusal, shutdowns, meltdowns, perfectionism, physical complaints or “over‑compliance” followed by after‑school exhaustion.
- Behaviour is information. Changes in mood, energy or behaviour are often the nervous system saying, “Something isn’t okay here.”
- Repair is possible, but it requires connection, predictability, validation and practical changes to the environment and expectations.
When a child does not feel safe at school, everything becomes harder.
Learning can feel impossible. Friendships become stressful. Even getting through the day may take enormous effort.
For many neurodivergent children, this is not about “bad behaviour” or “not being resilient enough”. Instead, their nervous system may be working overtime just to cope with the school environment.
Many Perth psychologists and allied health professionals are now describing this as a problem of felt safety, not simply behaviour.
In this article, we explore:
- what “felt safety” means
- how loss of felt safety can affect children at school
- common warning signs for parents
- practical ways families and schools can help rebuild safety
What is felt safety?
Melville occupational therapist Alycia Keys says felt safety is about how school feels inside a child’s body, not just whether policies say it is “safe”.
“It’s a child’s internal sense of being safe, supported, and emotionally secure in their environment and relationships,” says Alycia of Melville Occupational Therapy.
“It’s about how the child experiences their world through their nervous system, whether they feel calm, understood and able to cope, or whether they feel threatened, overwhelmed or unsure.”
Mount Lawley psychologist Ailsa Jerejian explains it simply.
“Felt safety is feeling belonging and a cared for part of the school community. Having trusted adults to talk to and clear options for managing distress is vital to a child feeling safe,” says Ailsa of Drummond Psychology.
What do neurodivergent students experience at school?
Research shows many autistic students feel safest at home or with understanding friends. In contrast, many report feeling unsafe at school.
A large UK study involving 136 autistic children found students often experienced bullying, social isolation and emotional distress at school.
Researchers concluded that schools must become places of genuine emotional and social safety for autistic students, not just physical safety.
Common signs a child may not feel safe at school
When children feel unsafe, their nervous system may stay in a constant state of stress.
For some children, this can look obvious. For others, the signs are much quieter.
South Fremantle clinical psychologist Alicia Viforj says many parents first notice changes around school attendance and emotional regulation.
“Parents might say their child cannot get out of bed, get out of the car at school or walk into class,” says Alicia of Zen Mind Psychology.
“Children might say school is too loud, they feel anxious or they just ‘can’t do it’.”
Other common signs may include:
- stomach aches or headaches
- emotional outbursts
- shutdowns or meltdowns
- exhaustion after school
- irritability
- freezing or difficulty processing information
- perfectionism or over-compliance
Clinical psychologist Dr Kellie Cassidy of Prosper Health Collective says stress can present very differently from child to child.
“Some children externalise their stress through refusal, aggression, avoidance or emotional outbursts,” says Dr Cassidy.
“Others internalise it. They may appear quiet, highly compliant, withdrawn or emotionally exhausted after school.”
Importantly, Alycia Keys encourages adults to see these behaviours as communication rather than defiance.
“These signs are communication from the child’s nervous system that they may be feeling overwhelmed or unsafe,” she says.
In other words, behaviour is often the body’s way of saying:
“Something does not feel okay here.”
Why school can feel overwhelming for neurodivergent students
Many neurodivergent students experience school as noisy, unpredictable and emotionally demanding.
Crowded classrooms, busy playgrounds, loud assemblies and constant social expectations can place significant pressure on a child’s nervous system.
Over time, this may lead to:
- masking
- burnout
- anxiety
- emotional exhaustion
- a deep sense of feeling “different” or misunderstood
Dr Kellie Cassidy explains that even environments that appear manageable from the outside may still feel overwhelming internally.
“For some children, school can feel unpredictable, socially unsafe or exhausting, even when adults believe the environment is supportive,” she says.
Three important pillars of felt safety
1. The sensory environment
A loud, visually busy or unpredictable environment can increase stress and reduce a child’s sense of calm.
Sensory supports, movement opportunities and quieter spaces can help children regulate more effectively.
2. Relationships with teachers
Children feel safer when adults are consistent, supportive and emotionally attuned.
When children feel understood and respected, they are better able to regulate and learn.
3. Peer relationships
Positive peer relationships help children feel connected and accepted.
However, ongoing rejection, bullying, masking or fear of judgement can create significant emotional strain.
Drummond Psychology also highlights that every child is different.
“There is no one-size-fits-all approach to safety,” says Ailsa Jerejian.
How professionals help rebuild felt safety
Repairing felt safety takes time.
Usually, the first step is understanding what is overwhelming the child’s nervous system.
Dr Cassidy says support often focuses on increasing predictability, connection and trust.
This may include:
- emotional regulation support
- sensory strategies
- communication supports
- reducing demands temporarily
- adjusting expectations during recovery
Importantly, rebuilding safety is not about forcing children to “push through” distress.
“Sustainable progress happens when children feel understood, supported and appropriately challenged at a pace their nervous system can tolerate,” says Dr Cassidy.
Working with schools
Many local providers say collaboration between families and schools is essential.
The goal is to move away from:
“Why is this child behaving like this?”
And instead ask:
“What does this child need in order to feel safe enough to learn?”
Professionals may help schools:
- understand sensory needs
- identify environmental triggers
- create predictable routines
- build regulation supports
- view behaviour through a nervous system lens
Ailsa Jerejian also reminds parents that they know their child best.
“Do not be afraid to speak to the school if something does not feel right,” she says.
Key takeaways and next steps for families
Felt safety is not an optional extra for neurodivergent children.
It is the foundation for learning, friendships and participation at school.
If you are worried about your child’s wellbeing at school, support is available.
A neuro-affirming psychologist or occupational therapist can help families understand what may be happening beneath the surface. Small changes to relationships, routines and environments can make a meaningful difference over time.
About the contributors
Alycia Keys, Occupational Therapist
Alycia Keys is an experienced paediatric Occupational Therapist and owner of Melville Occupational Therapy and sensory store Calming Kids Australia. Melville Occupational Therapy works in the areas of sensory processing, emotional regulation, and neurodiversity where Alicia and her team enjoy sharing practical, evidence-informed strategies.
Dr Kellie Cassidy, Clinical Psychologist
Dr Kellie Cassidy is a Clinical Psychologist and owner of Prosper Health Collective with practices in Booragoon, Stirling and Canning Vale. She enjoys working children, teens and adults with anxiety, OCD and who are autistic.
Alicia Viforj, Clincial Psychologist
Alicia is a Clinical Psychologist who provides autism assessments for children 5 years and older at Zen Mind Psychology in South Fremantle. She has a special interest in how autism presents in females and highly masking individuals.
Ailsa Jerejian, Clinical Psychologist
Ailsa is an empathic, affirming therapist who has extensive experience working with young people through the public and private sector. Drummond Child and Adolescent Psychology Services offers evidence-based, culturally-aware psychological services to young people. In addition to mental health support, the clinic also assists clients with mental health challenges associated with gender dysphoria/gender identity and sexual orientation.
References
Helpful resources
- Perth paediatrician and psychiatrist availability
- Autism assessment providers
- Autism diagnosis and school funding in Western Australia
- School Can't Australia (external website)
- Square Peg Round Whole (external website)
- Supporting the mental health of neurodivergent students at school - Square Peg Round Whole Whole (free PDF)
- Square Peg Round Whole - School Advocacy Essentials Handbook (free PDF)
